Ifeanyi: Psychologists urge fans to stop advising Davido, Chioma,
It is no longer news that Ifeanyi, the son of popular singer, David Adeleke, aka Davido, and his fiancée, Chioma Rowland, died on Monday, October 31, 2022, after drowning in a swimming pool in the singer’s Banana Island, Lagos, residence.
In the wake of the sad news, several persons have been giving the grieving parents ‘unsolicited’ advice on and off social media.
However, in separate interviews with Saturday Beats, some psychologists have urged fans to stop giving such advice as it could elongate the time it would take them to heal.
A clinical psychologist, Dr Maymunnah Kadiri, said, “As a young couple, it is easy for people to give unsolicited advice to them. People should not tell them things like, they are still young and that they should not cry because they will still have more children. Also, Davido and Chioma should not be told that Ifeanyi is in a better place because God is in charge.
Speaking on the stages of grief, Kadiri said, “Grieving is an inevitable part of our lives but there are ways that Davido and Chioma can cope. We have stages of grief. The first stage is that of denial and shock; the second stage is anger; the third is the bargaining stage; the fourth stage is sadness or depression; and the fifth stage is acceptance. It varies from one person to another. It can take hours, weeks, months, or years for some persons.
Kadiri also spoke on different ways the bereaved can heal. She said, “They have to seek a face-to-face support from people who care about them without saying anything and simply listen to them. Also, they must support themselves emotionally by taking care of themselves physically. They should try to eat, bath and sleep. There are certain people who neglect everything if they are grieving. But, if personal hygiene is neglected, it has a way of prolonging the healing process. They should be encouraged not to indulge in sleeping tablets, alcohol or other substances to take the pain away. Those things are not going to work as they will only offer temporary relief.
On his part, a professor of psychology, Suleiman Olarenwaju, noted that there was a high possibility that the couple could be blaming themselves for not being around when their son died. Describing Ifeanyi’s death as a ‘national loss’, he said, “Ifeanyi’s death does not just affect Davido; it is a national loss. However, it is also personal because the loss of a child could be psychologically debilitating to the father, mother and the entire family. Aside from the sense of loss, there could also be a sense of blame, saying, ‘I did not do enough to ensure the safety of the child’. The parents tend to feel both grief and guilt.”
Speaking on what the toll the tragedy could have on Davido and Chioma’s relationship, Olanrewaju said, “A child is a strong bond between two persons, and the loss of that child could also weaken the bond between them, especially when they are not married.”
Olanrewaju also enjoined people to allow the couple mourn in their own way, stating that getting married to Chioma would them move on and give birth to other children. He said, “Whether depression would set in or not depends on how they can manage it, and give themselves hope. I hope that their marriage is finalised, so that when they become husband and wife, they can raise more kids.”
Reacting to the obituaries and fake news peddled around that Ifeanyi was still alive, Olarenwaju said, “If people continue to make obituaries, they will only keep reigniting the pain and the sorrow. I am sure that Davido and Chioma will come out of the gloom. They are going to have other children.”
The psychologist added that people should not be forced to mourn in a particular way. He said, “People should not attack one another on social media, because we all cannot mourn in the same way. I noticed that some people were attacking Seun Kuti. I think people should just mourn and move on.”
On the likely legal fate of the domestic staff remanded in police custody, a lawyer, Patrick Oganwu, told one of our correspondents, “The chef and the nanny are still in police custody, and it was said that they are being investigated. If they are found to have been negligent in the discharge of their duties, they will be charged to court.”
Asked if Davido and Chioma could be held liable for Ifeanyi’s death, Oganwu added, “Our law has not developed to that level. The nanny and the cook were trading blames (over who was with the child before his death). It is only until the investigation by the police is concluded that the legal process can be continued.”
Another lawyer, Femi Njoku, stated that though he did not have all the facts of the case, he noted some persons were negligent in their duties of care towards the child which led to the unfortunate incident. He said, “I don’t have all the facts of the case. But from what I have read and heard, it was clearly a case of negligence on the part of those that were supposed to take care of Ifeanyi.
Ifeanyi: Psychologists urge fans to stop advising Davido, Chioma